Help Maybe

So I was listening to the song Empress by Serani, thoughts are bouncing around in my head. I have been praying to God to help me to maintain. The evils and people trying to hurt me, I must keep my guard up. Now to me as a person I got a guard up like fort knox. Got the sniper rifle at the door, it's a scary thing. I think it a bad thing you know, do you think its a bad thing?

I been back on that Kid Cudi track Day N Night, and it seems to bring back the tension from the time the song first came out. He said in a line He seems alive though he is feeling blue. To everyone around me they see me breathing but I am just moving in search of, well she knows. One thing that My dad pointed out to me is that in your pictures you seem lonely.

Blah @ That

Anyway so Myrtyr just came on by Shyne. at the top of the song he said "Yo, living in fuckin' hell, nigga die, might be better." Sometimes when things get hard it's like would I be better off..That is just me lost in my thoughts. See what tragedy does.
I miss Marcus, makes me wonder what he would tell me if he was here today. I was in preschool, I remember the days clearly. I close my eyes and I walk around in a thought just observing. He is the cliche story bout the kid that is doing good and not like the others, but the company he kept. Sometimes I wake up in cold sweats at night because I would dream about the night when he was shot. I wasn't there but why is it a dream, one time I jumped infront of the bullet...

Moving on to something else, More or Less I am a human being learning. Wish I was perfect at times then maybe some of the pain I endure wouldn't come about.

It feels at times it is just me against the world. You know what I believe that it is why because of what I learned, not to count on anyone even you closest family member. When I learned that it killed me, because I realized the lie that was told to me. In the end it doesn't matter though, that's what Linkin Park said.

Let me give yall something happy though, I am still working on stuff. My little sis is growing, she is talking a lot. Following me around the house like she is my shadow. She took a while to come though, but she kept me in New York. If it wasn't for here I wouldn't still be in New York City. Some of ya'll probably like why the hell would you want to leave New York. I'll save that for another day because I'm trying to end this off on a happy note. Yeah she is a happy baby. My problem is how to do I help her cope(sp) with reality.

Before I go, I am still writing so I am just waiting to get into the studio, But one thing out all this I just seen a picture of a hippo that made me smile.

until next time